Your ghost still lingers in my mind outside this hospital,
smoking a cigarette in your hospital gown,
taking a quick break
from the disaster of the month.
I had never known that a life
could be broken in so many ways.
You were going to die
maybe not from this particular pathology
but sooner or later, we both knew it.
Sometimes we even prayed
for that day to hasten.
How could you lie to me so much
and how could I have been so blind?
But then it was just another
part of you that was fractured.
I still think your friendship was real
and that you wanted to be better.
I know you didn’t want to disappoint me
and you didn’t want me to leave
as had every other person in your life.
I still don’t know
what to think or how I feel.
But I know sooner or later
I have to forgive you.
Not just say it in my mind,
but really forgive you.
I have been a lost soul.
I recognized that in you
and somehow that bound us together.
Though I have cursed you
and tried to forget,
you are still my friend.
I hope that your faith was genuine
even amidst the lies.
I pray that God will heal
the shattered remains of your soul.
Perhaps I will see you again
when I cast aside this body.
Maybe then we can leave behind the shadows
of this harsh world.